If recent sightings of the two rockers are anything to go by, one would assume Pete Wentz and John Mayer are pretty gay chummy. So much so, that Gayer is reportedly in the running to become a godfather to Pete and Ashlee’s emo baby. All this talk of emo’s, is making me depressed. Just stand by while I slit my wrists. Don’t do it? Save your breath…I wasn’t going to do it anyway.

I wonder what Jessica Simpson thinks about all of this? She was probably angry for a few minutes, before turning her attention to more important matters like lunch and more specifically, why the fuck her tuna is made from chicken of the sea.

[Image: Celeb-Gossip]

Pop open the champers and grab the dip! We’ve got cause for celebration. Paris Hilton’s MILFO (mom I’d like to fuck over), Kathy, hasn’t touched a drop of alcohol for a whole day year. After two of her four children went to jail for DUI last year, she vowed to give up the drink. A source told In Touch Weekly magazine that, “She wanted to set a good example for her family.”

This story reeks of wet, sloppy kaka, because Parasite’s mom gave birth to not one, but two skanky bimbo’s and that’s reason enough to drink to the grave. The picture above shows Kathy in her former glory days when she was a “cool mom”. It was probably taken last weekend.

Britney Spears’s father will likely remain in control of her affairs for the rest of the year, following a court review on Thursday, reports People magazine.

Terry K. Wasserman, a mental health attorney not involved in Shitney’s case, said that it was unlikely her father’s control would end so soon, adding “It’s rare for someone to regain their capacity in just 60 days.” Her father Jamie Spears has been in charge of her affairs since a ruling on February 1, following her hospitilization for being a crazy ho.

Damn Shitney! Fight for your rights! And by fight, I mean whack Daddy Spears with an umbrella right where it hurts. If that doesn’t make Pepaw increase your allowance, then you’re screwed. Here’s Shitney preparing for battle in Cabo earlier this week…

[Images: Yeeeah!]

Selena Gomez, star of Disney show The Wizards of Waverly Place, was spotted at LAX yesterday, checking in for departure. The tween idol is being touted as the new Miley Cyrus.

Ugh! I’m so over all these Disney sluts thinking they’re all important and shit now. Just look @ HOmez strutting around like she’s royalty. Sweetie, when you’re below Miley Cyrus on the food chain, there’s not much lower you can go. Speaking of cheap, tacky knockoff’s, that suitcase looks a little bit like a Coach bag. I’m assuming it’s not since she’s wearing some $5 shirt from Sears. She’s probably still on an allowance.

[Images: Faded Youth Blog]

Openly-gay singer Sam Sparro has revealed that he will be penning tracks for Lindsay Lohan’s next flop Spirit In The Dark. “Working with Lindsay is an interesting proposition. I’ve always been a big fan and I think she’s cool,” he told the Mirror newspaper. Sparro will head to LA in a few weeks to start writing tracks for the album.

I can’t believe Blohan’s record company are shelling out all this money for what we already know is going to sound like a muffled orgy drowned out by Blohan’s raspy sex tones. This my friend, is what you would call a bad investment. Kind of similar to those cheap condoms her father used the night she was conceived. CLICK HERE to listen to Bossy which is the first single off the album. Poor thing…she must of had a blocked nose the day she recorded that. Awful!

Dina Lohan has just learned that her 45 year old daughter Ali had a casting call with a big-time, award winning porn director.

Ali Lohan’s rep told TMZ that Ali had no idea that Peter Davy was behind such classics as “Breast Wishes 14″ and “Bun Busters 12.” Yeah and I’m the Queen of England. Of course Ali knew about it - her mother orchestrated the whole thing for their shitty reality TV show. It’s pretty funny though considering porn is exactly where Ali’s career is heading. She’ll have to settle for Memaw-on-Memaw porn though since she already looks haggard as all hell.

Meanwhile, Dina is going pretend ape-shit for the camera’s.

Shitney’s ex-husband Kevin Federline made his first public appearance since he was granted sole custody of their kids earlier this month. K-Fed was seen smoking and chugging down Iced Coffee in between flogging balls (no, not his own) at the Trump National Golf Club.

K-Douche Nozzle spoke to People magazine later that night at Ryan Sheckler’s X Games Celebrity Skins Classic, outside L.A. He told them that he had “been staying home with the family.” You don’t say…

Frollet* boy looks like he’s been sitting on his hole for the past few months playing wankstation and chowing down bags of Cheetos. Now that he’s getting 20 K a month in “child support”, he’ll never have to make another album. It’s a win win situation for everyone.

*Front mullet

[Image: People]

In a new interview with Allure magazine, Victoria Beckham has admitted to following a very strict diet and exercise regime to keep her waifish figure. Pig-Snout Spice says that she lives on “fish, vegetables, fruits and japanese food.” In other words nothing.

She also addresses accusations that she’s anorexic. “Of course I eat. I’ve been accused of not eating for ten years. If I hadn’t eaten for ten years I’d be [awfully] hungry.”

Binge. Binge. Purge. Binge. Purge. Shit. Shit some more. That my friends, is my strict diet regime. I suggest Vicky.B. adopts this wonderful way of life since she’s such a fat ass. That way she won’t have to live on salteen crackers and raisins.

Lindsay Lohan’s 15 year old boyfriend, Samantha Ronson, got a haircut! Her and Blohan were spotted on their way to see a movie yesterday but it was Skunk head that was getting all the attention. No wonder Blohan looks pissed!

In other BloRo news, the two reportedly became trapped in a room at the Bowery Hotel in NYC on Sunday and were forced to climb over their second story balcony to escape. They were aided by busboys and wait staff who helped get them to safety. A source told the NY Daily Times “Lindsay and Sam were laughing hysterically. They thought it was the funniest thing ever.” Blohan was probably high off the stench of Ronson’s fishy clam.

[Images: Faded Youth Blog]

“Glamour model” Katie Price was at some cheap department store in England over the past weekend hawking out her bedding range to hundreds of “fans”. Um, who is Katie Price? *Googles* Ohhh it’s that big tittied skank Jordan.

Fuck the linen and show me more of the new troll doll! Or is that the new Shrek plush doll? Eh, whatever it is, I’ve got dibs on that thing for Halloween. My mom sent me off for trick-or-treat in a fairy costume last year and I’m still emotionally scarred by the taunts. Well NOT THIS YEAR PEOPLE! This year will be my chance for revenge and trolly doll over there will make everyone cry and beg for mercy. “Don’t kill me Bride of Chucky” they will say, before I let it loose on them. Yeah, I’m evil.

Edit Further research confirmed my suspicions…that’s Katie Price’s daughter Princess Tiami. I’ll stop typing before I get anthrax in the mail.

[Images: The Insider]