Things are getting serious between Lindsay Lohan and her highschool drop-out boyfriend Samantha Ronson - the two are now getting married. Blohan will officially come out as a lesbian when she weds Samantha in a private ceremony in LA towards the end of the year. Lindsay’s mom Dina is reportedly planning a lavish do to welcome Samantha into the family.

OK here’s how all this is going to pan out. Blohan will get front page of People magazine and announce that she likes puss, then she’ll get married and sell the pics for $10 million, then a few days later, she’ll kick the Ronson to the curb. She’ll have a big public meltdown, get arrested, go back to rehab and then come out a new woman. Meanwhile, shit for brain’s Dina will still be whoring out that skank Ali and taking all her pay cheques. They need to change their routine.

[Image: News of the world]

Kate Moss and her daughter Lila Grace were spotted soaking up the sun on the island of Formentera yesterday and it was Kate’s bulging belly that was garnering all the attention from the paps. Kate tried to cover it up…but failed.

What say you of her bulging belly? I’d say thats just coke-bloat, but I’m not ruling out the possibility of a little baby pothead in there. I’m just hoping for the love of all that is holy, that Doperty’s cracked out sperm didn’t sprout legs and find its way to Kate’s vag. Their bastard child would be the sign of terrible things to come.

[Images: Gossip Girls]

Call me a bad gay, but I didn’t even know who Valentino was until 5 minutes ago. Apparently he’s some kind of famous fashion designer. Anygay, here’s Pepaw Oompa Loompa lunching at some trendy restaurant in LA yesterday, with no less than 10 pounds of bronzer on. He probably thinks it gives him a light glow.

 [Image: TMZ]

 LAPD Chief Willy Bratton made news headlines yesterday when he outed Lindsay Lohan as a lezzo, whilst addressing reporters on the changed behaviour of the paparazzi. “If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.” 

  And when TMZ caught up with Blohan and Samantha Ronson at LAX yesterday she angrily sniped in response, “Police chiefs shouldn’t get involved in everyone else’s business when it comes to their personal life. It’s inappropriate.“ That’s the testosterone coming out in her. It’s the transition a lesbian makes from being a pretty girly girl into a rough as guts dyke.

And Willy Bratton better watch his back! The Ronson is gonna wanna eff his shit up for messing with her beloved Firecrotch. He better be scared! She’s the crack addict version of a pitbull and she’ll eat him up for dinner. Here’s BloRo leaving for Chicago yesterday. Someone needs to rip that fugly ass drape off of Blohan and throw it to the wolves.

[Images: Faded Youth Blog]

New pictures of Miley Cyrus being her usual slutty self have surfaced on the netz. And they’re bound to keep the paedophiles happy! The new pictures are rumored to have been taken from her cell phone by the same hacker responsible for delivering us the first lot of shocking pictures earlier this year.

What do ya’ll think? Are they authentic? I’d be willing to bet my left nut on the fact that they are since I’ve got a built in Slut-O-Meter. Whenever Miley comes up on the screen, my brain cells start chanting slut slut slut SLUT SLUT SLUT! It’s rather annoying actually! Here’s the skank in all her glory…

[Images: Backseat Cuddler]

Lance Armstrong is already blabbing about ex-whore Kate Hudson. An Armstrong associate at his Livestrong Charity foundation, told The Sun Times that Lance thought Kate was ”just too needy,” adding that she was coming on ”too strong, too fast.”

I guess banging puss after Jakey Gyllenhaal’s boy-hole, would be a let down, no? Then again, Jakey was a “needy” bitch too…as in needed Lancey’s sausage in between his bun buns for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m totally convinced Lance had his peen replicated in silicon and then shoved it up Gyllenwhore’s mangina before dumping his ass. Gyllenwhore’s always got that smug, annoying look on his face like he knows something we don’t.

As for that dumb slut Kate, you’d think her cooch would have learned how to trap a peen by now. If it doesn’t, Kate’s next relationship is doomed. As is the one after that and the one after that and so on..

Britney Spears’s father will likely remain in control of her affairs for the rest of the year, following a court review on Thursday, reports People magazine.

Terry K. Wasserman, a mental health attorney not involved in Shitney’s case, said that it was unlikely her father’s control would end so soon, adding “It’s rare for someone to regain their capacity in just 60 days.” Her father Jamie Spears has been in charge of her affairs since a ruling on February 1, following her hospitilization for being a crazy ho.

Damn Shitney! Fight for your rights! And by fight, I mean whack Daddy Spears with an umbrella right where it hurts. If that doesn’t make Pepaw increase your allowance, then you’re screwed. Here’s Shitney preparing for battle in Cabo earlier this week…

[Images: Yeeeah!]

Selena Gomez, star of Disney show The Wizards of Waverly Place, was spotted at LAX yesterday, checking in for departure. The tween idol is being touted as the new Miley Cyrus.

Ugh! I’m so over all these Disney sluts thinking they’re all important and shit now. Just look @ HOmez strutting around like she’s royalty. Sweetie, when you’re below Miley Cyrus on the food chain, there’s not much lower you can go. Speaking of cheap, tacky knockoff’s, that suitcase looks a little bit like a Coach bag. I’m assuming it’s not since she’s wearing some $5 shirt from Sears. She’s probably still on an allowance.

[Images: Faded Youth Blog]

Dina Lohan has just learned that her 45 year old daughter Ali had a casting call with a big-time, award winning porn director.

Ali Lohan’s rep told TMZ that Ali had no idea that Peter Davy was behind such classics as “Breast Wishes 14″ and “Bun Busters 12.” Yeah and I’m the Queen of England. Of course Ali knew about it - her mother orchestrated the whole thing for their shitty reality TV show. It’s pretty funny though considering porn is exactly where Ali’s career is heading. She’ll have to settle for Memaw-on-Memaw porn though since she already looks haggard as all hell.

Meanwhile, Dina is going pretend ape-shit for the camera’s.

Shitney’s ex-husband Kevin Federline made his first public appearance since he was granted sole custody of their kids earlier this month. K-Fed was seen smoking and chugging down Iced Coffee in between flogging balls (no, not his own) at the Trump National Golf Club.

K-Douche Nozzle spoke to People magazine later that night at Ryan Sheckler’s X Games Celebrity Skins Classic, outside L.A. He told them that he had “been staying home with the family.” You don’t say…

Frollet* boy looks like he’s been sitting on his hole for the past few months playing wankstation and chowing down bags of Cheetos. Now that he’s getting 20 K a month in “child support”, he’ll never have to make another album. It’s a win win situation for everyone.

*Front mullet

[Image: People]