Major douchebag alert!!!

Michael Lohan won’t be walking his daughter Lindsay down the aisle anytime soon. That’s if she intends on marrying a woman. When asked about the rumors of a Lindsay/Samantha wedding in the future, he told reporters that he was not aware of any such plans and added that he wouldn’t walk her down the aisle anyway.

“I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”

  Not to worry Michael, Lindsay is only bumping poon for press. Once the fishy stench of Sam’s cooter puts her in a coma, she’ll be back to her serial dick-sucking ways. Throw in a couple of more DUI’s, trips to rehab and crotch shots into the equation and she might win over her father’s love. But heaven forbid big bad gay marriage!

Lance Armstrong is already blabbing about ex-whore Kate Hudson. An Armstrong associate at his Livestrong Charity foundation, told The Sun Times that Lance thought Kate was ”just too needy,” adding that she was coming on ”too strong, too fast.”

I guess banging puss after Jakey Gyllenhaal’s boy-hole, would be a let down, no? Then again, Jakey was a “needy” bitch too…as in needed Lancey’s sausage in between his bun buns for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I’m totally convinced Lance had his peen replicated in silicon and then shoved it up Gyllenwhore’s mangina before dumping his ass. Gyllenwhore’s always got that smug, annoying look on his face like he knows something we don’t.

As for that dumb slut Kate, you’d think her cooch would have learned how to trap a peen by now. If it doesn’t, Kate’s next relationship is doomed. As is the one after that and the one after that and so on..

Shitney’s ex-husband Kevin Federline made his first public appearance since he was granted sole custody of their kids earlier this month. K-Fed was seen smoking and chugging down Iced Coffee in between flogging balls (no, not his own) at the Trump National Golf Club.

K-Douche Nozzle spoke to People magazine later that night at Ryan Sheckler’s X Games Celebrity Skins Classic, outside L.A. He told them that he had “been staying home with the family.” You don’t say…

Frollet* boy looks like he’s been sitting on his hole for the past few months playing wankstation and chowing down bags of Cheetos. Now that he’s getting 20 K a month in “child support”, he’ll never have to make another album. It’s a win win situation for everyone.

*Front mullet

[Image: People]