I must have Jonei fever! S.M.S. (Save my soul)!

The Jonas Virgins made an appearance on TRL earlier today and as usual, tweenies did their nut. You MUST open the bottom right thumbnail. I seriously think that girl pissed her panties. Speaking of panties, I wonder what type of panties Pubehead likes. I’d totally be down for modelling some of my hole-ridden Bart Simpson jocks. That would be so hot!

Anygay, which one tickles your schmickle? Vote below.

[Images: JonasHQ]

 The Veronicas just announced to their millions of fans (lol) that they’re going on tour with the Jonas Virgins. They’ll be taking over from current opening act Tranny Lovato on August 24 for the Burnin’ Up tour in North America.

What, so we’re supposed to believe that because they’ve have invited titty flashing skanks on their tour that they’re not gay? Girlfriend, please. If they really wanted to prove their hetero, they’d be plucking those fat, acne-ridden tweens out of the crowd two fold at a time and taking them back to their hotel rooms for “sexy times”. The paps would get their photos, their street cred would improve and no one would ever know that they spent all those hours playing chess.

The Jonas Virgins “rocked out” at Good Morning America this morning in front of thousands of screaming tweenies. And by rocked out, I mean they moped around the stage like frail Pepaws on their last leg.

OK so I have admission to make. I kind of find Pubehead a little bit hot in these pictures. Emphasis on a little bit. As for the one on the right, he needs a paper bag for that offensive mug! No really, I’m seriously offended that he would even think about walking out of the house looking like that. Pee Wee Herman with sideburns anyone?

Click HERE to watch paint dry their performance.

[Images: Gossip Girls]

 Rolling Stone thinks people who read their magazine, actually care about Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens. They probably don’t, but since Miley’s record label are making big bucks thanks to all the tweenies who went out and bought 10 copies of her album Acne Breakout, they can probably afford prime position promo.

Looks like they paid them to be kind to Vanessa’s album too since that stinker got 3 stars out of 5. The mag rated the new Jonas Brother’s album the best of the lot, giving them 4 stars and Slyrus’s album came in second with 3 and a half stars. Skankessa got owned!

Oh and what do you lot think of their cartoon? Who ever did Slyrus’s JellO gums, duck lips and chipmunk teeth needs a raise stat! Respect, brudda. You can catch the album reviews & cartoon in the next issue with Robert Downey Jnr on the cover. I might buy it if it’s free. If not, they can shove it!

[Image: ONTD]

 Miley Cyrus is dishing the dirt on her last relationship with Nick “Pubehead” Jonas in the latest issue of trash rag Seventeen. In short, she paints him as an egotistical control freak and then makes herself look like the victim. She blabs,

“We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met. He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, ‘I think you’re beautiful and I really like you.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.’”

 “Nick and I loved each other,” Cyrus says now. “We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn’t fun.”

After they broke up at the end of 2007, Cyrus tells Seventeen, “At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don’t want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I’ve got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am.”

Interesting that she says that she’s still trying to figure out who she is, when the rest of the world has already figured out she’s a pony teefed skank! The photo’s don’t lie Miley - no matter which way you want to slice it. And if there wasn’t a feud between Slyrus and Selena Gomez before, there will be after Selena hears this…

“Maybe he’ll be my best friend for the rest of my life or maybe I’ll end up marrying Nick Jonas!”

Pubehead Jonas won’t be marrying either of them, but It’ll take him walking in the Gay Pride Parade with his lower pube bush sticking out of his tighty whitey jeans and waving his rainbow flag for them to figure out why. As for HOmez & Slyrus, they need to have it out already! I’m talking serious hair pulling & bra twisting here. Just as long as HOmez has Tranny Levato on stand-by, I can’t see why they wouldn’t be able to kick her annoying ass. Tranny Levato could poke her in the eye with her butt-chin.

[Image: Seventeen]

TMZ has obtained pictures of two young girls climbing over a fence and entering the property of the Jonas Brother’s family home in Toluca Lake, California yesterday. Don’t be alarmed though people! They were probably just there to try and steal a pair of Joe’s skinny jeans. It’s like a girl’s right of way to raid her girlfriend’s closet.

Speaking of closets, don’t these pre-pubescent girls know that the Jonas Virgins bat for the other team? The three of them are camper than a row of tents, but apparently I’m the only one who can see it! Don’t say I didn’t tell you when that People magazine cover hits with the headline “We’re gay…”

[Image: TMZ]

The Jonas Brothers cleaned up at the Teen Choice Awards in Los Angeles, California last night, receiving six ceremonial surfboards. Among the nods were Choice Breakout Band, Male Hotties and Male Red Carpet Icons, Choice Single for When You Look Me in the Eyes, Summer Song for Burnin’ Up and Love Song for When You Look Me in the Eyes.

Popular TV program Gossip Girl also scored six nods including Choice TV Drama and Breakout Show. Chace Crawford and Blake Lively both scored Breakout Acting nods, with Lively also being named Best Actress in a drama. Ed Westwick was named Best Villian.

OK first of all, the Jonas Virgins are NOT hot! Kevin has ugly sideburns, Nick looks like he has a giant pubebush growing on his head and Joe looks like some uber gay twink. Those three have about as much sex appeal as roadkill. As for Gossip Girl, I am ashamed to say that I watch it. It’s like watching a car crash, whilst shockingly bad, I can’t turn seem to switch the damn channel. Here’s the Jonas Virgins doing some lame skit with Miss Piggy at the TCA last night:

[Image: ONTD]

Those Disney sluts need to hone up on their lying skills, cuz they’re coming undone faster than Miley’s panties on a sweaty night! Nick Jonas of the Jonas Virgins talked to Girl’s Life about a recent date he went on and accidentally outed his relationship with Selena Gomez. 

‘On one date, the girl said to me, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ So I said, ‘I don’t follow the rules.’

It was only a while back that Selena spilled to Twist magazine about her first date, and the scenario she described sounds eerily familiar.

‘I said, ‘I don’t kiss on the first date.’ Then he said, ‘Well, I never really play by the rules.’

 It would be kind of cute if they weren’t both such lying little pukes. It’s even worse when Selena tries to act all cutesy pie when she’s a real horndog. At least Miley is open her slutty ways.

Tween sensation, the Jonas Brothers, appear on the cover of next month’s issue of Rolling Stone magazine in what appears to be a desperate attempt to nab a slice of the lucrative tween dollar. It’s the only market they’ve yet to crack, after winning over the gays with the Zac Efron issue. Kevin Jonas’s (the ugly one of the lot on the left) not-so-subtle attempt to pull off his brother’s singlet should also attract paeophile’s with incetuious fetishes. Ew much?!

Let’s just hope Walmart have re-stocked their girl’s undies section, cuz you know they’ll be getting their knickers in a knot over these three geeks!

Meanwhile, uber-successful music producer Timbaland says he plans to work with the Jonas Brothers on his next album, which will serve as a sequel to his platinum selling album Shock Value. Hopefully that will be the kiss of death for the Jewonas Brothers, like it was for Ashley Simpson, and they will fade back into obscurity faster than you can say S.O.S. Ha!