Blohan and her not-so-adorable teenage dropout boyfriend, Samantha Ronson, were spotted taking a lover’s stroll along Miami Beach yesterday afternoon. How sweet…not.

And for heavens sake Blohan! Spare me the vomit bucket and put on your damn leggings! I’ve seen mouldy cottage cheese before and it looks a hell of a lot better than your pasty ass thunder thighs. If you need an excuse to call in sick to work, look no further than the close up of Blohan’s el chunkito thighs below. And if that doesn’t work, just picture those two doing sexy times.

[Images: Gossip Girls]

Is Samantha Ronson trying to tell us something? This picture was posted on her official myspace page last night. Does this mean Samantha’s going through with a full sex change operation? The bitch may as well, cuz her teenage dropout ass is about as feminine as my hairy nutsack.

One things for sure though… Blohan’s legs do not look like that! Picture Cottage Cheese that’s been left out in the sun to mould and you’re a hell of a lot closer to the real things.

Major douchebag alert!!!

Michael Lohan won’t be walking his daughter Lindsay down the aisle anytime soon. That’s if she intends on marrying a woman. When asked about the rumors of a Lindsay/Samantha wedding in the future, he told reporters that he was not aware of any such plans and added that he wouldn’t walk her down the aisle anyway.

“I haven’t heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don’t think she’d ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my (Christian) faith … she just wouldn’t ask.”

  Not to worry Michael, Lindsay is only bumping poon for press. Once the fishy stench of Sam’s cooter puts her in a coma, she’ll be back to her serial dick-sucking ways. Throw in a couple of more DUI’s, trips to rehab and crotch shots into the equation and she might win over her father’s love. But heaven forbid big bad gay marriage!

Things are getting serious between Lindsay Lohan and her highschool drop-out boyfriend Samantha Ronson - the two are now getting married. Blohan will officially come out as a lesbian when she weds Samantha in a private ceremony in LA towards the end of the year. Lindsay’s mom Dina is reportedly planning a lavish do to welcome Samantha into the family.

OK here’s how all this is going to pan out. Blohan will get front page of People magazine and announce that she likes puss, then she’ll get married and sell the pics for $10 million, then a few days later, she’ll kick the Ronson to the curb. She’ll have a big public meltdown, get arrested, go back to rehab and then come out a new woman. Meanwhile, shit for brain’s Dina will still be whoring out that skank Ali and taking all her pay cheques. They need to change their routine.

[Image: News of the world]

 LAPD Chief Willy Bratton made news headlines yesterday when he outed Lindsay Lohan as a lezzo, whilst addressing reporters on the changed behaviour of the paparazzi. “If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving; Paris is out of town not bothering anybody anymore, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.” 

  And when TMZ caught up with Blohan and Samantha Ronson at LAX yesterday she angrily sniped in response, “Police chiefs shouldn’t get involved in everyone else’s business when it comes to their personal life. It’s inappropriate.“ That’s the testosterone coming out in her. It’s the transition a lesbian makes from being a pretty girly girl into a rough as guts dyke.

And Willy Bratton better watch his back! The Ronson is gonna wanna eff his shit up for messing with her beloved Firecrotch. He better be scared! She’s the crack addict version of a pitbull and she’ll eat him up for dinner. Here’s BloRo leaving for Chicago yesterday. Someone needs to rip that fugly ass drape off of Blohan and throw it to the wolves.

[Images: Faded Youth Blog]

Openly-gay singer Sam Sparro has revealed that he will be penning tracks for Lindsay Lohan’s next flop Spirit In The Dark. “Working with Lindsay is an interesting proposition. I’ve always been a big fan and I think she’s cool,” he told the Mirror newspaper. Sparro will head to LA in a few weeks to start writing tracks for the album.

I can’t believe Blohan’s record company are shelling out all this money for what we already know is going to sound like a muffled orgy drowned out by Blohan’s raspy sex tones. This my friend, is what you would call a bad investment. Kind of similar to those cheap condoms her father used the night she was conceived. CLICK HERE to listen to Bossy which is the first single off the album. Poor thing…she must of had a blocked nose the day she recorded that. Awful!

Lindsay Lohan’s 15 year old boyfriend, Samantha Ronson, got a haircut! Her and Blohan were spotted on their way to see a movie yesterday but it was Skunk head that was getting all the attention. No wonder Blohan looks pissed!

In other BloRo news, the two reportedly became trapped in a room at the Bowery Hotel in NYC on Sunday and were forced to climb over their second story balcony to escape. They were aided by busboys and wait staff who helped get them to safety. A source told the NY Daily Times “Lindsay and Sam were laughing hysterically. They thought it was the funniest thing ever.” Blohan was probably high off the stench of Ronson’s fishy clam.

[Images: Faded Youth Blog]