Starting from the top left…AVERAGE, UGLY, FUGLY, UGLY, FUGLY, UGLY and UGLY. I’m not sure what that averages out to be, but It would be close to downright fug. Imagine having been the photographer that day.

“All together now…smile! OK let’s try that again. Miley, try not to open your mouth. It makes you look like a chipmunk. Trace, I need you to turn your head to the left. No wait, to the right. On second thought, would you mind just stepping out of the photo? Thanks. And the lady at the back, I need you to put that mane over your face or at least try not to look like a stunned horse. C’mon people, hustle!”

This is what happens when lesbians make babies! Wait, the thing with the mullet is a lezzie, right? Just kidding, I knew it was Billy Ray. What’s funny is that was him in his hey day and he still looked like a constipated lezbot. And as for that broad faced trollop on the right - the one he calls a wife - she really shouldn’t try the sexy, tousled hair look. It makes her look like a $2 hooker staring down desperate old pedo’s for crack money. She probably tried that on Billy Ray and it was love at first sight.

[Image: Oceanup]

 Rolling Stone thinks people who read their magazine, actually care about Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens. They probably don’t, but since Miley’s record label are making big bucks thanks to all the tweenies who went out and bought 10 copies of her album Acne Breakout, they can probably afford prime position promo.

Looks like they paid them to be kind to Vanessa’s album too since that stinker got 3 stars out of 5. The mag rated the new Jonas Brother’s album the best of the lot, giving them 4 stars and Slyrus’s album came in second with 3 and a half stars. Skankessa got owned!

Oh and what do you lot think of their cartoon? Who ever did Slyrus’s JellO gums, duck lips and chipmunk teeth needs a raise stat! Respect, brudda. You can catch the album reviews & cartoon in the next issue with Robert Downey Jnr on the cover. I might buy it if it’s free. If not, they can shove it!

[Image: ONTD]

 Miley Cyrus is dishing the dirt on her last relationship with Nick “Pubehead” Jonas in the latest issue of trash rag Seventeen. In short, she paints him as an egotistical control freak and then makes herself look like the victim. She blabs,

“We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met. He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, ‘I think you’re beautiful and I really like you.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.’”

 “Nick and I loved each other,” Cyrus says now. “We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn’t fun.”

After they broke up at the end of 2007, Cyrus tells Seventeen, “At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don’t want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I’ve got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am.”

Interesting that she says that she’s still trying to figure out who she is, when the rest of the world has already figured out she’s a pony teefed skank! The photo’s don’t lie Miley - no matter which way you want to slice it. And if there wasn’t a feud between Slyrus and Selena Gomez before, there will be after Selena hears this…

“Maybe he’ll be my best friend for the rest of my life or maybe I’ll end up marrying Nick Jonas!”

Pubehead Jonas won’t be marrying either of them, but It’ll take him walking in the Gay Pride Parade with his lower pube bush sticking out of his tighty whitey jeans and waving his rainbow flag for them to figure out why. As for HOmez & Slyrus, they need to have it out already! I’m talking serious hair pulling & bra twisting here. Just as long as HOmez has Tranny Levato on stand-by, I can’t see why they wouldn’t be able to kick her annoying ass. Tranny Levato could poke her in the eye with her butt-chin.

[Image: Seventeen]

Miley Cyrus shows her maturity level whilst riding a bike around her ‘hood with some “friends”. If I was a parent, I wouldn’t let my child take two steps out the front door with that enabler!

[Image: Gossip Girls]

Miley Cyrus’s emo sibling Trace is speaking out about his sister’s promiscuous ways. He told Entertainment Wise in a recent interview: 

“She has a lot on her plate for a 15-year-old girl. I hope the public isn’t too hard on her. My father and I can take it but for a girl like Miley it’s so hard when stuff like that happens to her.”

Has Trace been living in the basement?! Of course the public is being hard on her! She’s supposed to be a role model to millions of tweenies across the world, yet she’s too preoccupied with taking pictures of herself in slutgerie and sending them off to the Jonas Virgins. This whole thing reeks of Slyrus’s doing. She probably paid her brother off in eye liner and black cloth to say something nice about her. She’s such a sneaky little puke!

[Image: Dotspotter]

Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez put on their happy faces - or in Demi’s case her tranny face - and posed for the camera’s together last night at the Teen Choice Awards. Supposedly there was never a rift between them, but Miley looks like she’s about to stab Demi in the back with a hair pin.

Miley also needs to do something about her tic-tac teefs! NOT CUTE! Speaking of not cute, how hideous is Demi’s outfit? She looks like she’s off to have tea with the Queen. As in the real Queen and not Zac Efron.

[Images: ONTD]

New pictures of Miley Cyrus being her usual slutty self have surfaced on the netz. And they’re bound to keep the paedophiles happy! The new pictures are rumored to have been taken from her cell phone by the same hacker responsible for delivering us the first lot of shocking pictures earlier this year.

What do ya’ll think? Are they authentic? I’d be willing to bet my left nut on the fact that they are since I’ve got a built in Slut-O-Meter. Whenever Miley comes up on the screen, my brain cells start chanting slut slut slut SLUT SLUT SLUT! It’s rather annoying actually! Here’s the skank in all her glory…

[Images: Backseat Cuddler]

Miley Cyrus’s new CD Breakout has debuted at #1 on the Billboard album charts, beating out other debuts by Sugarland and Nine Inch Nails. Acne Breakout scanned 371, 000 copies in its first week, almost 60, 000 more than Sugarland’s Love On The Inside, which settled for #2 position.

Knock me down with a feather! People still buy CD’s? Why buy when you can download for free! Besides, Miley can make lots of money from other things like condom endorsements and starting her own line of slut lingerie. She could call that shit “The Empresses’ new panties”. Anyone who hasn’t read The Emperor’s new clothes will totally be sucked in LOL.

“Comedian” Kathy Griffin went for the shock factor at the Montreal Just For Laughs comedy festival last night, when she called Miley Cyrus a whore. That’s the pot calling the kettle black.

“Let’s face it - Miley Cyrus is a whore. I do hope that she gets a virus down there so that Lindsay stays away.”

Kathy’s just bitter that her baby fire pubes were mistaken for herpes in the girls locker room @ school. No wonder she hangs out with gay men - straight guys wouldn’t go within ten feet of her diseased-looking-but-not-really fire pit. She should be so lucky to get an STD.