Lynne Spears is coming out with a blab-all book on her family’s life in the spotlight and just like I predicted, it sounds boring as bat shit.

“Sincere, self-effacing, sometimes spunky, Lynne’s memoir reveals the heart of a mother who has struggled through difficult times and how she has held onto her faith and her sense of humor as she tries to hold onto her family.“

For one, I doubt there’s anything we don’t already know about Shitney and secondly that book should be called Parental tips 101 from Lynne Spears: How to get your 16 yo daughter preggers. She could stick a picture of herself getting gnarly with Jamie-Lynn at some skank party on the cover. Dina Lohan would be so jealous!

[Image: Allie Is Wired]

Just when I thought she was looking slimmer, new pictures have surfaced of Shitney looking like she ingested a baby whale. OK so they’re not that bad, but she could definitely lose a few. If she cut out the damn Cheeto’s, curtailed the frappes and hit the treadmill, she’d be a brand new Shitney. Until then, keep your babies under 24/7 surveillance because her thunder thighs are set to terrorise! Run, y’all!

[Images: Celebutopia]

Here’s the first few pics of Shitney filming her promo for the MTV VMA’s. I’m glad they stuck her in black, cuz she usually looks like she just raided the buffet and downed a plateful of profiteroles. Homegirl is lookin’ good, although I think anyone would look half decent next to “comedian” Russell Brand. He looks like  the lovechild of Amy Winehouse and Frankenstein. And for the record, I’m not laughing.

[Images: Access Hollywood]

Guess whose making a comeback at this years MTV Video Music Awards, y’all? Shitney!!! According to E! Online, Shitters filmed a television promo spot at the Paramount lot in Hollywood on tuesday with first time host Russell Brand.

“It was mostly ad-libbed, with Russell asking her for advice about hosting the show,” a source told E! Online. “There’s also a 9,000-pound elephant in it, as in ‘the elephant in the room.’ ” It’s not yet known whether or not she will be performing. Say it isn’t so…

OK let’s just say Shitters does do a “comeback” performance, how the hell is she supposed to top last year’s slo-mo pig trot across the stage? It was like watching a pig with tourettes trying to wade through mud. Combine that with some shockingly pathetic lip-synching and you had the performance of a decade. If she doesn’t make a headline this year, she may as well hang up the weave and call it a day.

With reports that Britney Spears is spending $22, 000 a month to help get her body back into shape, we’re finally starting to see the fruits of her personal trainer’s labour. Not only that, but she’s ditched her trashy stripper weave and replaced it with summery, blonde locks. It’s the end of an era, y’all. R.I.P. crazy Brit Brit. You will be missed dearly.

In other Shitney news, Quentin Tarantino has reportedly chosen her for a role in the remake of 1965 horror film Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Spears is set to play a lesbian stripper, which will involve sex scenes with another girl followed by a grisly bloodbath. Sounds like the role she was born to play. Seriously though, does she think she’s being ironic taking this role or something? The bitch has only been “sane” for a few months and she’s already choosing scripts that could have been considered biographical a year ago. Just as long as she enlists Sam Lufti to help her prepare for the role, then it’s all good by me. He’ll have her back to her beaver flashin’, umbrella waving antics in no time. Hooray! Here’s pictures of Shitters shopping on Robertson Boulevard yesterday.

 [Images: Faded Youth Blog]

Britney Spears’s father will likely remain in control of her affairs for the rest of the year, following a court review on Thursday, reports People magazine.

Terry K. Wasserman, a mental health attorney not involved in Shitney’s case, said that it was unlikely her father’s control would end so soon, adding “It’s rare for someone to regain their capacity in just 60 days.” Her father Jamie Spears has been in charge of her affairs since a ruling on February 1, following her hospitilization for being a crazy ho.

Damn Shitney! Fight for your rights! And by fight, I mean whack Daddy Spears with an umbrella right where it hurts. If that doesn’t make Pepaw increase your allowance, then you’re screwed. Here’s Shitney preparing for battle in Cabo earlier this week…

[Images: Yeeeah!]

In what could be an oscar winning performance *cue the laughter*, Britney Spears is set to star in a new “sadomasochistic sex movie” called The Knoxville Carjacking Party. The failing pop star’s last movie, Crossroads, was savaged by critics

“The movie, based on the true story of two students who were allegedly carjacked, kidnapped, raped and killed in the Tennessee city, would no doubt pose a number of challenges for the young star.”

Concern has been raised over whether Spears would be able to handle the intensity of the disturbing sex scenes. Hmmm shouldn’t they be more concerned over her acting ability or lack of. Shitney should just stick to making stripper videos for comedic purposes and not for forcing her craptastic songs on us. There’s nothing better than watching Shitney parade her cottage-cheese-in-a-garbage-bag-thighs around a stripper’s pole, desperately trying to revive an already buried career. Speaking of which, rumor has it that she’s going to team up with Justin Timberlake for her next album. And just when I thought he couldn’t do any worse than Hagdonna. This is career suicide!