The Jonas Virgins “rocked out” at Good Morning America this morning in front of thousands of screaming tweenies. And by rocked out, I mean they moped around the stage like frail Pepaws on their last leg.

OK so I have admission to make. I kind of find Pubehead a little bit hot in these pictures. Emphasis on a little bit. As for the one on the right, he needs a paper bag for that offensive mug! No really, I’m seriously offended that he would even think about walking out of the house looking like that. Pee Wee Herman with sideburns anyone?

Click HERE to watch paint dry their performance.

[Images: Gossip Girls]

Guess whose making a comeback at this years MTV Video Music Awards, y’all? Shitney!!! According to E! Online, Shitters filmed a television promo spot at the Paramount lot in Hollywood on tuesday with first time host Russell Brand.

“It was mostly ad-libbed, with Russell asking her for advice about hosting the show,” a source told E! Online. “There’s also a 9,000-pound elephant in it, as in ‘the elephant in the room.’ ” It’s not yet known whether or not she will be performing. Say it isn’t so…

OK let’s just say Shitters does do a “comeback” performance, how the hell is she supposed to top last year’s slo-mo pig trot across the stage? It was like watching a pig with tourettes trying to wade through mud. Combine that with some shockingly pathetic lip-synching and you had the performance of a decade. If she doesn’t make a headline this year, she may as well hang up the weave and call it a day.

Princess Nancypants, Clay Aiken, is now a daddy! Jaymes Foster - the 50 year old fag hag he artifically inseminated - gave birth to a healthy baby boy around 8am on Friday. They’ve named him Parker Foster Aiken.

That baby had a slim chance of coming out hetereosexual as it is, without being named what could possibly be the gayest name ever! But what’s more startling is that we don’t know the make up of the mother’s genes. Let’s see…she’s 50, she’s friends with Clay Aiken and her name is Jaymes. If she’s not a big snatch eating dyke then I’m the Queen of England. I just hope for the baby’s sake that he doesn’t up looking like his lezzbot daddy. Someone needs to poison his spermsies so this doesn’t happen again!

[Image: Jossip]

No, it’s just a big beaked emu…

Parasite Hilton has revealed that her and Spiderman co-creator Stan Lee are teaming up with MTV to create a superhero based on her. I’m not even joking! She told San Diego CityBeat,

“I’ve created a superhero with [Spider-Man co-creator Stan Lee], which is [based on] me, and we’re doing a cartoon right now with MTV.” When asked about what superpower she’d most like to have she responded “To be invisible — that would be fun,” she says. Oh, that WOULD be fun!

And I’m sure her cartoon will be a runaway success like her direct-to-dvd movies and those perfumes she flogged off to 12 year old girls since everyone else avoided it like the plague. The only upside I can see to this whole thing is that when it fails, she might finally realize no one gives a shit about her when she’s opening her mouth and theres not a dick in there.

 Rolling Stone thinks people who read their magazine, actually care about Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens. They probably don’t, but since Miley’s record label are making big bucks thanks to all the tweenies who went out and bought 10 copies of her album Acne Breakout, they can probably afford prime position promo.

Looks like they paid them to be kind to Vanessa’s album too since that stinker got 3 stars out of 5. The mag rated the new Jonas Brother’s album the best of the lot, giving them 4 stars and Slyrus’s album came in second with 3 and a half stars. Skankessa got owned!

Oh and what do you lot think of their cartoon? Who ever did Slyrus’s JellO gums, duck lips and chipmunk teeth needs a raise stat! Respect, brudda. You can catch the album reviews & cartoon in the next issue with Robert Downey Jnr on the cover. I might buy it if it’s free. If not, they can shove it!

[Image: ONTD]

Gossip Girl Leighton Meester looked stunning at the Limelight Paris-New York Collection hosted by Piaget last night. Failed singer & actress Emmy Rossum was also there, presumably for lack of a better thing to do. Did anyone watch her last film Poseidon? Stale old cheese would’ve left a better taste in my mouth than what her stale performance did. Here’s some pics of Emmy trying to leech onto Leighton last night. The photographers probably didn’t even know who she is!

[Images: ONTD]

 Miley Cyrus is dishing the dirt on her last relationship with Nick “Pubehead” Jonas in the latest issue of trash rag Seventeen. In short, she paints him as an egotistical control freak and then makes herself look like the victim. She blabs,

“We became boyfriend and girlfriend the day we met. He was on a quest to meet me, and he was like, ‘I think you’re beautiful and I really like you.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, my gosh, I like you so much.’”

 “Nick and I loved each other,” Cyrus says now. “We still do, but we were in love with each other. For two years he was basically my 24/7. But it was really hard to keep it from people. We were arguing a lot, and it really wasn’t fun.”

After they broke up at the end of 2007, Cyrus tells Seventeen, “At first I bawled for a month straight. I was so sad. I just went into this weird funk. And I dyed my hair black. When we were dating, Nick wanted me to get highlights – and so I did that, and I got myself looking great. And then, on the day we broke up, I was like, I want to make my hair black now – I don’t want to look pretty; I want to look hard-core. I was rebelling against everything Nick wanted me to be. And then I was like, I’ve got to be by myself for now, and just figure out who I really am.”

Interesting that she says that she’s still trying to figure out who she is, when the rest of the world has already figured out she’s a pony teefed skank! The photo’s don’t lie Miley - no matter which way you want to slice it. And if there wasn’t a feud between Slyrus and Selena Gomez before, there will be after Selena hears this…

“Maybe he’ll be my best friend for the rest of my life or maybe I’ll end up marrying Nick Jonas!”

Pubehead Jonas won’t be marrying either of them, but It’ll take him walking in the Gay Pride Parade with his lower pube bush sticking out of his tighty whitey jeans and waving his rainbow flag for them to figure out why. As for HOmez & Slyrus, they need to have it out already! I’m talking serious hair pulling & bra twisting here. Just as long as HOmez has Tranny Levato on stand-by, I can’t see why they wouldn’t be able to kick her annoying ass. Tranny Levato could poke her in the eye with her butt-chin.

[Image: Seventeen]

More pictures from the Elle photo shoot of Zefron and Vanessa Hudgens have surfaced including their High School Musical co-star Ashley Tisdale. Awkward, much?

Zachary’s looking at Skankessa as though she’s a big, juicy wang. And as usual, Jizzdale looks like rat shit. It looks like someone’s stuck a blonde wig on a gerbil and tranquilized it so it looks dead. Naw, she’s probably just pissed that she has to play third wheel to Skankessa - whose most recent work includes naked piccies leaked on the internet, a commerical for skank department store Sears and the lyrical masterpiece Sneakernight. If you haven’t seen Sneakernight yet, watch below for Lulz. It’s unintentionally hilarious!

 [Image: ONTD]

TMZ has obtained pictures of two young girls climbing over a fence and entering the property of the Jonas Brother’s family home in Toluca Lake, California yesterday. Don’t be alarmed though people! They were probably just there to try and steal a pair of Joe’s skinny jeans. It’s like a girl’s right of way to raid her girlfriend’s closet.

Speaking of closets, don’t these pre-pubescent girls know that the Jonas Virgins bat for the other team? The three of them are camper than a row of tents, but apparently I’m the only one who can see it! Don’t say I didn’t tell you when that People magazine cover hits with the headline “We’re gay…”

[Image: TMZ]

Pink is gearing up to release her fifth studio album and the first single entitled So What has just been leaked. Click HERE to listen to it.

It’s catchy, fun and current and follows in the vain of I kissed a girl’s “controversial” lyrics. She opens the song with “I guess I just lost my husband, I don’t know where he went. So I’m gonna drink my money, I’m not gonna pay his rent.” And despite the lyrical content of the song, she tells us on her new myspace blog that Carey “likey’s too” adding “we are insane“. You don’t say…